“A woman sat in the middle seat next to me on a flight from the US to Quito. After takeoff, I suggested she move to the empty aisle seat so we’d both be more comfortable. She said ‘no.’ Then she let her dog, who was dyed pink, out of its cage. It kept trying to sit on me. I insisted she move. She begrudgingly agreed but gave me dirty looks all flight. Her dog kept creeping over to me. I don’t know why the flight attendants allowed it.”

“On a flight from Brazil to Madrid, someone brought a grocery bag filled with chicken wings that they ate throughout the flight. On the same flight, I saw someone sneeze in his hand and then rub it all over this arms like it was perfume.”

“Midway through a flight from Philly to Venice, someone died. There was a defeated petition for a doctor on the intercom, and then when we deplaned, paramedics came to collect the deceased. The flight attendants had covered him with a sheet and thus he’d remain for the second half of the flight.”

“On a flight out of Orlando, two women (in their young 20s) in the row in front of us boarded the plane tipsy and continued drinking. Each put panties on her head. Then came the baby powder war, until the flight attendant shut them off. “On another flight out of San Diego, a man had a seizure, projectile vomiting onto the perfectly coiffed, hairspray glued silver hair of an elderly woman. The flight made an emergency landing and flight attendants attempted to dab the bits out of the woman’s ‘do.”

“A guy was spitting chewing tobacco into a water bottle from Denver to Atlanta. Every two minutes! I got 10,000 bonus points for that insanity.”

“A fight [broke out] in the aisle of a flight from Moscow to Douala because someone put their coat on top of someone else’s wedding cake they were taking home.”

“On a transatlantic flight, a woman a few rows ahead of me went into the lavatory and changed into nightwear: pajamas, fuzzy slippers, velcro rollers in her hair, all of it!”

“On a red-eye from LA to Guatemala City, we got upgraded to business class, which never happens. Shortly after takeoff, the woman sitting behind my husband starting banging on his seat back, and generally just getting really agitated that her TV didn’t work. This continued for quite a while, and eventually, we fell asleep. When we woke up for landing the next morning, we saw the woman had been moved to another seat, and we got to chatting with the flight attendant, who pointed out the woman had ripped the entire TV unit out of the seat back while in flight.”

“I had a ‘service dog’ jump on top of me out of nowhere. Obviously, was not a service dog (no vest, clearly untrained) and this woman could not control him. Great for my five-hour flight to Portugal.”

“I made the mistake of eating an in-flight mayo cucumber sandwich offered during the last hour on a flight from Heathrow to San Francisco. I spent so long in the bathroom the seat-belt light went on for landing and the flight attendants made me do the walk of shame to back to my seat — barfing in a bag the whole way. I don’t think I’ve ever mortified so many people at once. I’m sure without context I must have just looked a hot mess.”

“On a flight back to the US from Asia, the weak and pale young woman next to me spit into a container for 12 hours. If this weren’t gaggingly enough, at one point, she decided to take out a perfume atomizer and spray herself with a foul dime-store perfume.”

“I was apparently the strangest thing on a flight from Amsterdam to London once, when I had my head shaved. The drunk lost-weekend bros sitting around me (I was at the window, and they were in my row and behind) kept sneaking little touches and throwing grapes. The plane was full, so there was nowhere else to move to. Fortunately a short flight.”

“I was once on an overnight flight from Ottawa to Frankfurt that was only half full. I sat on one end of the aisle seat while another woman sat on the aisle seat on the other side with two empty seats between us. Instead of each of us splitting the two empty seats, she put the table down on the seat next to me and put her disgustingly-smelly, shoe-less feet up on it.”